I promise.

Do you know how difficult it is to write your vows to the person you love the most? Insanely difficult! Like, really hard. I think I started writing down notes about three months into our relationship and I probably rewrote my vows about 17 times. And yet, I was still concerned that I didn’t get it right. I wanted to get the words right, but I knew that all the words in every language ever spoken would never be enough to tell Brett how much he means to me.

My struggle with writing my vows was more along the lines of, I don’t want these words to be cheap. I was so concerned about not saying enough, saying too much, forgetting things I promise him and so on. But in the end, I finally (literally TWO days before we did our vows) finalized them. Knowing that I forgot things, knowing that these words - while beautiful - were simply not enough.

But I read them to him, to Hailey. I read these words to him in the Central Oregon mountains, alongside the Deschutes River, in the snow, wearing ski boots with a bouquet I threw together the night before.

These words will never be enough, but I hope they convey to Brett just how much he has changed my entire world.

My Vows:

Brett - moment I met you, I knew this was all so different. They didn’t have you where I come from, I truly didn’t think this existed. It felt like I was returning home to something I have always known, but yet...it was all brand new. Like magic. There's something so unusual about us, something so deeply spiritual and wildly familiar...and really weird of course.  I know I loved you in more than one lifetime.

It's easy to deal with the hard stuff, the bad parts of life, knowing you're right by my side every step of the way. Our connection, our relationship  - it’s too unique to explain. You are my home, whether we are comfy in our own house, or shacked up in a Murder Cabin somewhere deep in the mountains - you always make me feel at ease, at home. Loving you makes sense to my soul and that is all the proof I need to realize everything before you was merely preparation for us. I never knew the best was yet to come.

You are more than my person. You really are the most amazing person I've ever experienced. My dad would have loved you so much. You keep me calm and drive me absolutely crazy! You’re my refuge, my reasoning, my personal handyman and garbage disposal. My own search and rescue and my reminder that I am brave and I can do anything. You're every wild adventure I ever want to take. Plus, you’re really, really hot! 
It’s incredibly difficult to convey or articulate how I feel about you, I feel that words will never be enough to tell you how much I love you or how much you mean to me but I will try my best every single day for the rest of our lives.

And I promise to never take you for granted, to always love, trust and respect and never break our bond.

I promise to never walk away when things get too difficult and to be your best when you're not at yours. To never judge you for your sadness, your flaws or your choices - I have always and will always accept you for who you are, no matter what. Even if you never clean out the sink or leave 2 pretzels in the bag and put it away...

I promise to not bring home another Aussie (well, not yet at least) or make you water any of the plants in the house.

I promise to always live by the “one no a year” rule. 

I promise to always record the stupid shit you say, about inside dresses, how Luke Skywalker skis and that the Virgin Mary really is the Kingpin. 

I promise to trust you when you convince me to do stupid things in the mountains because you say “looks like it goes” or, "it's going to be fine”...when in reality, that’s not always the case (then I rub it in that I was right!)

I promise to be the best stepmom to Hailey, to always be there for her. To raise her, teach her, be patient with her and to love her unconditionally.

And Hailey...I love you so much. I am so grateful you’ve allowed me into your life and accepted me as your stepmom. I am so proud and so lucky to take on that role for you. You’re a brilliant, beautiful and crazy child. I promise to always have our weekly dates, to teach you German and the joys of traveling the world, to keep trying to teach you to work smarter not harder. I promise to raise you as an independent, truck-driving, skier who dances for snow, won’t take shit from anyone and loves with her entire heart. And maybe teach you to love cheese!

This life of ours, Brett, it’s a wild ride I never want to get off of. My life now has a beginning, a middle and an end. Everything else before was simply the preamble. You and Hailey, the psycho dogs, you're my family. To every mountain and back again, in this life and the next, it will always be you...always. I love you, husband. And I know you love me. Want to know how I know? Cause butt sweat.