With gratitude and pride.
November 9th, 2022.
Three days prior, there was a leak…aWSJ article stating that Meta was about to embark on a large layoff, the first in company history. The panic and reality of it all didn’t truly sink in for me till that Tuesday, November 8th. I tried to remain positive - I was safe. I had great numbers, I was crushing it. I was certain I was safe because of all the hard work I’ve been putting into my career. Then the doubt started to seep in. It was far too easy to let the negative engulf me, causing me to spiral out of control — the Blind posts, the rumors, people panicking, the intensity of it all. Recruiting would be impacted the most, they said, and there was no rhyme or reason as to how individuals would be impacted. No one was safe, turns out, and that knowledge dug its claws into me. So I began to prepare for the worst, hope for the best (and freak the fuck out for the in-betweens). I connected to every person I could on our team, text messages, phone calls or on VC. I reached out to all my Product Design Managers and Design Program Managers to say my goodbyes and let them know how much I appreciated them, how much of an honor it has been to know them, work with them and learn from each of them. Macabre, yes…but I would regret it if I didn’t do so.
Then we waited. I vividly remember being so afraid of signing off my computer. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to log back in. I tried to sleep, but gave up at 2am and logged on…and waited. 3am came and the first of our team was impacted. East coast. One of my teammates pinged me, he got an email. And I collapsed into hysterics. I sobbed for a good 20+ minutes, uncontrollable. Then 4am hit. My partner, my sourcer, the Goose to my Maverick…he got a letter. No. Not him. None of this felt real.
Shortly after 4am, my manager pinged me. I was safe. I turned to Brett, who had just woken up and I choked out, “I’m safe” and collapsed into him. I was safe, I had my job…but 11,000 + others did not. How in the hell should I feel good about this when incredible people were let go, when the people I loved and worked so closely with received a letter and 10 minutes to say goodbye. Survivors guilt quickly took hold of me and didn’t let up till about three weeks ago.
March 14th, 2023.
De ja vu. Buckle up, cause here we are again, kids. The trauma of the last layoffs have suddenly come soaring back to us. The Hunger Games have returned and the Capital volunteered us as tribute. Here we are again, facing another layoff of 10,000+ employees…with recruiting first on deck. This time, we know what is to be expected. We understand that we are all at risk and have quickly gone into prep mode. The memories of the first layoff quickly gripped a tight hold on us and had us all spiraling. All day, I have been clinging to every conversation I can muster, forming text threads and exchanging contacts and following one another on Instagram and Facebook, (and praying MySpace would come back to save us all!). Here I am, yet again, afraid of turning off my computer.
We find out tomorrow if we survived or not. We find out tomorrow who remains and who is forced to say goodbye. And it all fucking sucks. All our meetings were canceled today after the official comms came out from Mark. But we, Product Design Recruiting, didn’t care...we created our own meeting, dammit! We wanted to see one another, wanted to talk, to try to make sense of all this and maybe get a laugh in or two. It gave us space to talk and listen to others, while they spoke about their experiences here and how much it all impacted them. But I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t get the words past my throat. Every time I tried to say something, I would get choked up. Hell, I could barely keep my video on, hiding my face from ugly Kim Kardashian crying constantly. Because the reality of it all is, this isn’t just another job. This is something so much more.
My manager wrote today, “Gratitude is often a skill that you cultivate, not one that necessarily comes naturally to everyone. Even to get this post started, I had to look up how to practice gratitude when you’re not really feeling up to the task. You know what the internet suggested? Write it down. Make it a chore. Do it anyway. And as I’m sitting here to write this post, the internet is right. Taking the time to stop and reflect, to be where your feet are, and to respect how far you’ve come is helpful. Even if it’s difficult and you want to fight it.” And she’s right, she’s so fucking right, (her and the internets). I may have not been able to say what I wanted to say to my coworkers, my team, my people. But I can write it all out. Taking the time to reflect and accept the trauma that hit us in November and just recently. Taking time to accept come what may. But more importantly, taking the time to write down how grateful I am for this experience, these people who surround me in my career and to write the words that continue to get caught in my throat — those that attempt to explain how special this group is.
And so, I’m going to try to write what I wanted to say to all of them…while tears pour down my face, knowing I haven’t said enough.
This is hard, y’all. You are all so damn incredible. This is by far the greatest, most talented team that I have ever been a part of. When I joined the Product Design Recruiting team, I was terrified I wouldn’t fit in or I would be in way over my head. The imposter syndrome crept up on me quickly and I was sure I didn’t belong. But I had a manager who believed in me, then I started to notice that I had teammates who believed in me. And in just a short period of time, I was one of you. That above all else, means everything to me. I have never been a part of a community that fully accepted me for exactly who I am. I’ve never felt more respected and heard then I have with this team. You all gave me so much confidence, I can never repay you. You truly showed me what I am capable of and washed away that imposter syndrome that had been coating me for what felt like decades. This group of humans, you are the most dedicated, compassionate, toughest kids out there. We are scrappy, crafty and unrelenting and yet, always willing to evolve and do better. This is group, no matter what, is always present. Whenever someone needs help or guidance or “an adult” as I always say, it never fails that at least one of you raises their hand and jumps on a call to help. You clear your damn calendars to be there for others. You jump in when it’s off hours to push up your sleeves and solve problems. This team is always there for one another, no matter the circumstances. You show up. Over and over again.
The relationships and partnerships I’ve been able to build here in our Recruiting org and the Business are truly the foundation of this place and our people. The genuine connections I’ve help cultivate and foster have taken root not only in my career, but my personal life too. They hold me steadfast, especially in times like these. So when someone says “we’ll be okay, we are employable and will get through this with another job” — sure, that’s absolutely spot on. But here’s the thing. This isn’t just some job. This was the end game for me. This is it. This is the crown jewel of my career. It’s so much more than just recruiting. This isn’t just some job we are being laid off from, this was our community, our life force, our cheerleaders, our believers, our pushers and our fighters. So forgive me, non Metamates, for not taking your half-hearted condolences kindly. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate it, it’s just that you don’t get it. Because this is a tight knit community of badasses that’s being broken up, not just some lame coworkers that you try to keep in touch with over the years.
It has been a true honor to know you all, to work with you and to learn from you. Thank you for believing in me. I am so grateful for each and every one of you. And yet, I will never be able to tell each of you just how much you mean to me. But know that I will always be here for each of you, no matter what happens. Because who we are, this is what we do. And we are not quitters.
Thank you, for literally everything. ♥️
So now we wait. It will be brutal, this much we already know. No matter what side of the coin we land on, it’s going to challenging. But I’m going to come into tonight and into the wee hours of the morning with gratitude and pride. I am so fucking proud to call this team my own. The impact you have made on my life is immeasurable. No matter what happens, each of you will remain important in my life.
Come what may. We got this, kids. Because we are tough as shit. I hope we all see each other tomorrow.
I love you all. So hard.