Find your fetch.

Recently, I was listening to a podcast called The Stokecast, a podcast that talks with outdoor enthusiasts, athletes and activists and trying to balance work, life and adventure. This particular episode kicked off the new year where the hosts spoke about looking back across the past decade but only doing so in order to look and move forward. At the start of it, one of the co-hosts began talking about his dog, (I mean, obviously). He spoke about his dog being completely obsessed with playing fetch. He could be in the middle of eating a delicious treat or running around with other dogs, but if he sees a ball or an opportunity to play fetch, it's game on. This pup will drop all the things to do the only thing he loves the most in the entire world, play fetch. Playing fetch is the greatest joy, biggest love and most excitement and nothing will stop him to engage.

Dogs teach us so much about how we should live our lives. They teach us to live in the absolute present. They don't understand or recognize time so when we walk away for 10 minutes and then back to them, they act as if we have been gone for days and they're thrilled we are here with them again! They enjoy the tiniest things in life, even a quick trip in the car leads them to the best day ever! And then of course, their love of their battered, beaten, torn up, favorite toys. Their beloved toys could be torn to shreds and they still want it in their life.  But this particulate lesson is about finding what you love most in the world and not let anything in the world stop until you from getting to it. It's about "finding your fetch."

I've never been an athletic girl. I grew up with asthma and I was a really sick kid. And with that, I grew up in a house where my mother was terrified that if I played sports I would die a horrible, fiery death. (I could ride, break and train horses of course, because that's not dangerous of course…okay, mom, makes sense).  I simply believed that I would never be able to do anything exciting and find my true passion, my fetch. It just wasn't in the cards for me. I was just meant to ride horses and go about my life.

So I got into the habit of not pushing myself. I didn't not try new things or challenge myself in any way. There were things I did that I enjoyed, sure, but push myself to levels in which I do now? Never. And I sure as hell didn't have anything that I loved so much I would stop everything to engage.

However, that all changed when I went to Iceland, put on my first pair of crampons, held an ice axe in my hands and stepped onto the tongue of a glacier. I knew from the moment I touched ice, took in the volcano and saw the marks from glacial melt, I was home. This is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, be in the mountains.

So I started hiking which quickly became my fetch.  Which then led to summit into my first volcano, Mt. Saint Helens. Then the bug to bag peaks hit me and mountaineering became the ultimate fetch. But then it led to a whole new aspect of mountains, rock climbing. You guessed it, fetch.

Now, I’m going to pause real quick and be honest here, mountaineering is dumb. It’s hard, it hurts both physically, mentally and emotionally. When it’s over you never want to touch another mountain again. Then, a couple days go by and you start to think, maybe…then your friends approach you with a bigger objective and you’re like fuck it, I’ll do it again. Then, you do it all over again and hate yourself (and mountains) once more. It’s a sadistic, vicious cycle that only type II fun seeking psychopaths like. (Yep, I’m one of those morons).

Once I grew enough balls to try rock climbing, that began an even bigger shift in my passion and love for mountains. I began to see them differently, truly look into the technical aspects of them. More than anything, I saw more potential. My ex taught me to climb and there is a much longer story to that, but I’ll save that for another time. And damn, if mountaineering is stupid, rock climbing is certifiable! It’s terrifying!! It’s uncomfortable, your brain takes over and screams “you’re gonna die you idiot!!!” You shake like mad, you panic on the wall, you get tunnel vision that then paralyzes you. You must learn to trust your partner, yourself and ignore your fear. It’s impossible and stupid and crazy and why the fuck do I do this?! Oh that’s right, cause I do stupid shit for fun and climbing became my new fetch.

With climbing in my life now, I was able to go higher, push for harder objectives and crawl deeper into the mountains. But it took time and I’m incredibly impatient so what’s next? Trail running. Duh. Now another thing you should know about me is I don’t go small. When I’m in, I’m all in. Go big, or go home. Fuck the nonsense about starting small. So what do I do? Train for a 50k trail run, an ultra. Did I mention I do stupid shit for fun? Ugh. This fetch hurts the most, I think, cause running is hard!

Each one of those activities and sports became (and still remain) my fetch. Each different of course, but the common thread has always been the mountains. The mountains is where I can think, it’s my place of worship. They challenge me, the bring me to my knees and they welcome me every time. They are where I feel most safe and most afraid. They take my breath away and give me life. It’s all woowoo I know, but it’s true. They’re where I feel most alive. But something was missing. After all that I leaned into, learned, suffered for and grew from, I still wanted more. I wanted to learn to ski.

Then along came Brett. And I discovered my ultimate fetch…well, if I am being honest, I found two of the ultimate fetches, Brett and skiing. And ho-ly shit is it fun! I honestly never thought I would learn to ski. I had always wanted to but circumstances prevented me from actually doing it. But with Brett, I had no other option but to learn.

I vividly remember my first day on sticks. It was February 18th and we went night skiing. I was completely terrified on the magic carpet "hill" and never thought I would get to the point of dropping bowls or double black diamonds. I mean, who learns how to ski at 39?!  Fast forward to now and I am starting to drop black diamonds and in Canada!  Now, all I want to do is learn more, push myself, fine tune my technique, ski every resort I can (even if I am scared) and ultimately, drop steep and deep on big mountains. I love it! It's so hard and challenging and there are days when I cry and I want to give up but I never do. It's my biggest passion. Skiing. Is. My. Fetch. Who knew I would be such a slave to the snow!

Boy when you're passionate about something, it takes over. It engulfs you. When I started to rock climb, I would work on one monitor and watch YouTube videos about climbing technique on the other. When skiing entered my life and I watch the weather like a hawk, I study snow science, I watch every ski movie I possibly can my hands on, I crush on professional skiers and I dream of cold, dry, fluffy champagne powder dreams. It just takes over, it consumes you. Sure I have other responsibilities, but would that stop me from doing what you love the most in this world? Never.

It's so important to find your why in life and to find what motivates you. We are driven by passion and when we fail to pin point what that means for us, that drive tends to disappear. The beauty of it all, it's never too late, you're never too old to find your fetch. The only thing that gets in our way is ourselves. So whatever it is you want to try? Do it! No matter what, just do it. Because if you try, you never know what you will discover.

Just go out and find your fetch. Try something new. Give yourself a chance to learn, to fail. And get all in on the thing you love. Find your fetch.